G.I. Movie Photos : 1 Geek’s Critique

OK, so some of you geekier friends out there have already seen all of these, but to those of you with real lives, I’ve gathered from various sources some “first look” photos of some of the characters from the upcoming Stephen Sommers 80’s toy/ comic book to mivie G.I. Joe and have added my thoughts on them. Take a look!

Snake Eyes looks like Snake Eyes (a la series 2 action figure)… I approve!

Scarlett – She looks pretty fly. I dig the red heads. Especially if they know karate. Let’s hope she can act.

Duke – I’m not sold on Duke. He seems a bit young for the role. As you know, Duke is the G.I. Joe filed commander. He should be at least a good ten years older than the rest of the Joes.

Hawk – It’s Dennis Quaid with a beret. I’m sure he’ll do fine filling the shoes as General Hawk, the original G.I. Joe leader.

Rip Cord – But seriously… A Wayans Brother?

Breaker – Not terribly impressive. But was Breaker EVER terribly impressive?

Heavy Duty – Why did they pick this character? No one remembers Heavy Duty. They should have cast this guy as Roadblock. He looks more like Roadblock anyway.

And Now for The Cobras:

Destro – Borrrrrriiiing! He better wear the Destro face mask for longer than the finale.

The Baroness – It’s Sienna Miller in a slinky leather outfit with glasses. Honestly, can you remember any of her performances other than her huge breakup with Jude Law.

Storm Shadow – This has got to be the biggest disappointment so far. The costume is completely un- ninja like and is all wrong. The tails are so hokey. He is supposed to be a traditional Ninja. This really bums me out.

Anyway, that’s what I got. I don’t know why they made all the Joes wear the black Ninja outfits. That should have been reserved for Snake Eyes and Scarlett because they’re the martial artist characters. I hope this movie is at least mindlessly entertaining. Stephen Sommers is directing, The hack that brought you all the Brandon Fraser Mummy Movies, The Scorpion King and the monstrosity (and not in a good way) Van Helsing. All movies that I would rate as WAIT TILL DVD or worse WAIT TILL CABLE.

The one saving grace is that hired Larry Hama to help write it. For those of you who don’t know because you’re cool and not a dork like me, Larry Hama is like a god to me. Larry Hama wrote every single one of the G.I. Joe character file cards on the back of the G.I. Joe toys. He also wrote all of the G.I. Joe comic books for Marvel comics. Not to mention he really is a real American Hero having served in Vietnam. Not to mention he’s Japanese American like Yours Truly. Also he was known to date tall blonde chicks and I think ended up marrying one putting him into Pat Morita Playa Pimp Status in my book. LOL